Gift Giving: The Cynical Friend

We all have that b*&buster friend who is brilliant at her career, amazingly strong when you aren’t and who always has at least three bottles of bubbly in the fridge (though, that’s usually all that’s in there).  She also always has tickets to dazzling events that others would sell a liver for (neither of you could ever do such a thing, as your livers are…well, foie gras). She’ quite simply: fantastic.  Until….

It’s not that this friend isn’t happy for you when you reveal, after a glass of champers, and in an almost apologetic voice, that you are preggos.  She is. Really, she is.  It’s just that she thought you may share a room with her at Canne, and what about that week she’ s already booked in Chamonix? And now…well…this.  And she has known so many other girls that were once sparkling and scintillating, girls who once could discuss Dada to Doha, that now sound like…well…boring daft cows.  There it is.  That’s what she really thinks, and she can’t tell you, because you look so happy and she adores you.

And then you spring on her, months later, that you are creating  an organic nursery and having an organic shower?! It’s enough to drive her to vodka. Well, in fact it does just that. You didn’t care about organic when you both smoked pack after pack of cigarettes at Bondai after a night of fabulous mercury laden sushi at that gorgeous place in Kensington, wearing dubiously chemically treated new leather boots, with g-d knows how many phthalates in your hair. Which looked fabulous, by the by. You certainly didn’t care about organic back when you were…FUN.  And now she’s expected to find some store named Green Genes, where they play whale sounds with Peruvian flute backup, where the shop girl plans to nurse her son through college, and buy you some horrible little thing made by women who call their husband “Sir”?  No.  This, she simply cannot do. Not even after a Xanax. Or even two.

This post is for her.

The Green Baby Gift Box  is a brilliant and adorable little business that takes the pain (most of it, anyway), out of finding green baby gifts. They have already chosen a menage of gifts, in different themes, and packaged them up in a pretty little box. Point, click and ship. Painless and easy.

The Cynical Friend should be directed to this site which has just enough, but not too many choices, to buy a green shower gift, as she can do so in less time than it takes to uncork a bottle of champagne.

But if you ever mention “poopy diapers”, or tell her a “funny story” that involves spit up – you’ll never hear from her again.  Ever.  Though she will, it is true, miss you.  From Canne.